on the violence it takes to become gentle
a love letter to those of you who just get it.
The Violence It Took To Become This Gentle
hello to my beautiful community and a warm welcome to new friends. if you’re new here, my pieces are healing in nature, but often told to you in a poetic manner. my weekly newsletter (every wednesday) is a touchpoint for you to come home to. a place for you to rest in, feel seen in, weep in, and laugh in.
grab a cup of tea.
this piece is a gift just for you.
The Violence & The Softness
many of the softest, happiest, most empathetic people i know, have been plagued by a number of traumas throughout their lifetime.
they are no stranger to slammed doors and broken glass
yet they remain the best shoulder to cry on
they are familiar with empty promises and knives to their backs
yet they are the most loyal people you will meet
they have been stripped of their autonomy before
yet they hold everyone else with respect and reverance
they were handed a mangled, disheveled, deck of cards
and somehow
they turned it into piles of gold
and gave all of the gold away.
The Violence
What is it about being abused, mistreated, and traumatized that makes softness grow from weeds and love grow as tall as trees?
Do we thank those who caused the trauma for making us this empathetic, this deep, this understanding?
no. (don’t you dare)
that was all you. you did that.
It is absolutely positively miraculous and magical that you are still here today. The sheer fact alone that you are standing on two feet is proof of something other-worldly.
and guess what?
you had every right to scream.
you had every right to incite revenge.
you had every right to take a bat to the cars and the houses and the people that hurt you.
and you didn’t.
not for them. but for yourself.
you took the violence imposed on you and you extracted it from the depths of your being. you scream-cried into pillows and you nursed the headaches after. you filled up journals with everything you needed to say. and you spoke your truth when necessary, sometimes messily but always authentically.
The Greatest Act of Love
many people think self love is synonymous with narcissism… all i have to say is, “LOL”
self love is a very powerful healing elixir. it is a choice, a practice, and a way of life. it is something that is often birthed from deep pain as well as incredible bravery and courage. self love says, “life has not been kind to me. so i will be very kind to me.”
many people think self love is something you do so that you can be loved correctly
almost. so close. self love is something you do merely for the fact that unconditional love and kindness is your birth right.
the beautiful magic of it is that when you practice it, its effects will naturally seep into the world around you. people will mirror it back to you. and your own capacity for empathy will grow.
people think self love is affirmations and face masks.
almost. so close. thats a fraction of it.
self love is holding yourself in the darkest of moments, as well as the most incredible joyous moments. it is bandaging your wounds and tending to them. its running a bath for a fragile you. its dressing yourself up to take on a new day. it is telling yourself, “we are going to be okay.”
To The Ones Who Were Burned in the Fire, Yet walked out with a Glowing Light.
You decided that healing yourself would be the greatest act of revenge that there ever has been. You understood that no justice would come from you breaking yourself more and more to continue living in the world that was already broken. You said, to hell with that world I am creating a brand new one. To hell with them. I will build a safe haven for myself. I will nurture and nourish and unconditionally love myself.
I will walk away from the ashes, and leave it all behind.
Never to look back again.
And I will create a new fire. with new kindling, and new light.
and i will warm myself up, as long as it takes.
and when i have healed
people will come by.
with their matted blankets, and make-shift smores.
and i will tell them a story
about how i got warm again.
about how i made this light.
From my heart to yours,
Rhiana Meri
super exciting news! I’ve been quietly working on something very close to my heart… a guided journal I’ve been building slowly, page by page, alongside my work here on The Fairy & The moon. Becoming Your Own Best Friend: The Guided Journal was born out of the same questions we explore here: how to build a relationship with yourself, how to travel inward, how to feel safe in your own company. Sharing these sneak peeks feels vulnerable and exciting, like letting you into the creative process before it’s fully ready — because in many ways, this book exists with each and every one of you in mind.
If you’d like to be the first to know when it’s released, I’d love for you to subscribe and stay close as it makes its way into the world.
It feels like a warm hug, thank you dear stranger✨
so beautifully written